Don Borchert’s FREE FOR ALL: Oddballs, Geeks, and Gangstas in the Public Library is a hoot. It’s a memoir, focusing on his years working as a librarian in Lomita, California. In an excerpt from one of my favorite scenes, Don describes the reluctance on the part of librarians to call the police when bad things happen, thinking if they do, administration will view it as an admission can’t handle their jobs.
During Don’s first year, he sees a kid get hit by a car, yet when he tries to make a call to the cops, the librarian at the reference desk puts the kibosh on it. Hilarity ensues:
Peg Peters, the almost retired, dour, and imperious children’s librarian at the time, was at the reference desk. She was just getting off the phone and I told her that there had been an accident. I reached for the phone and she put out a cautionary hand to block me.
Had I seen this “accident”?
Yes.
Hmm. Where?
Out the window, on the corner by the traffic light.
Hmm. Do you know if anyone’s hurt?
Probably the kid who flew through the air.
She gave me a pinched, biting-into-a-lemon face to let me know she acknowledged the dark humor but didn’t approve.
But you don’t know, she said.
And I looked at her like, What the f**k?
She cocked her head as if she felt vaguely sorry for me for not understanding the ways of the world – especially the library – and said: You should talk to Juanita before you do anything. If anyone calls the police, it should be the senior librarian. Then she smiled her sad, bemused smile that she saved for retarded people who are struggling to appear normal.
So I picked up the phone and dialed 911.
Peg Peters’ smile shattered into a million sharp pieces and her head snapped back, indicating betrayal and disgust. I had violated the time-honored chain-of-command thing, called the police, and disobeyed a supervisor. Quite the trifecta for a recent hire.
Five stars, even with the handful of typos.
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