September 11, 2008

The Keeper of Junk Food Wrappers


I don't know what to make of this. During my evening walks, I've noticed from time to time a gold Acura parked on the side of the road, roughly half a mile from the house; the car is newish, no dents or scratches, and while the exterior seems to be well tended the interior is a wreck. Each time I've passed it, I've slowed, curious about its contents but too embarrassed to check it out. Well, today I finally did.

Allow me to share.

On the passenger's side, spilling from the seat to the floor, is a pile of junk food/fastfood debris. (And when I say "pile," I really mean "mountain." As in "Kilimanjaro.") Specifically, I counted:

2 McDonald's bags
3 KFC bags
2 Wendy's bags
2 Wendy's red foil wrappers
2 KFC cups, large
1 Haagen Daz ice cream wrapper
1 Haagen Daz ice cream box
1 Nestle Crunch ice cream wrapper
1 Rold Gold pretzel bag, flattened
A mess of empty water bottles, lids attached
Beaucoup french-fry bags. Way too many to count.

And that's just the stuff I remember.

The photo above I pulled from the Net. "My" car is radically worse. The pile reaches up to the window -- actually, it comes slightly above it -- although for some reason it doesn't appear to be spilling onto the driver's side; somehow (how?) the Keeper of Junk Food Wrappers manages to contain it to the passenger side, which makes me wonder what happens when he makes a quick left turn. Does it come spilling onto his/her lap? If not, why not? How does he/she keep it in place?

The back seat isn't nearly as intriguing, although it too is a mess. Papers are strewn everywhere, as are empty plastic bags. There's a proposal of some sort peeking out from under the stash; unfortunately I couldn't identify the company or the name on the report, as I was reading upside down. Not to mention worried about getting caught.

But trust me when I tell you the pile is growing. As is the mystery. Stayed tuned for updates...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be brave and tale a picture with you cell phone camera!

Michelle Panik said...

Oh my God, this is hilarious.

And I agree with the anonymous commenter--get a photo!